Refresh or Restart

Almost 2 months since I've made any progress I ought to have. Posts weren't made, guitar wasn't played. Projects weren't worked on but survived by my family scorn. Chuck the family's scorn part. My family has been pretty supportive in sickness and in health; for better or worse. You get the picture right.

My situation nor state of mind are to be blamed. Infact, I've been pretty sane all through yet insane for not making the best out of the best cicumstances I've been in.

Its like I've been in hibernation ever since, the month of December . What followed - the month of January when I hit a low for no reason I can point.

Slept through the day, remained hawk eyed at night, baggy eyes and flabby tyres and the hovering (then blissful) spirit of lethargy above tied me down. Health was a reason but not entirely. I'd be "quacking" if I state the other.

Chances to shake myself out: I had many but I chose otherwise.

Many exciting - bone crashing exciting happenings, unusual but interesting learnings and even terrible, devasting events happened (I will write about them in detail in the posts that will follow) that made me lose form. I wrote many things to post but didn't push further.

I've been looking forward for a fresh start since quite sometime now. Tired in my shoes, I didn't give up, but just stood in the sidelines waiting for someone or something to hit me or atleast beckon me to join the race again. I guess I was tired of competion but didn't know that races aren't meant just for competition but are also to keep one in top form. The minute this realisation hit me, I decided to run to keep form and became a part of it. To win or lose didn't matter anymore, fervour did.

Why did I have to wait watching in the sidelines when I was capable of running and being a prospective winner.

The new month reminded me that a new year or month starts with a new day - the traces of the previous day all gone. So "Ditch the past. Start afresh"

A fresh start, that I did. With a renewed promise to myself, I'm proud to say I've bounced back - not in form yet, but not in vain.

I'll be whizzing past normal activity with added fervour to do it more passionately- the camera at church will have a greater respect and not be a weekly duty; the guitar will accompany singing: no more lying in eternal wait for arms to embrace it; internship no more in the back burner but in the fore front; my college projects gathering no more dust but weight from ink; the future taunting me no more but making me wait in daunting anticipation for what it will unfold because I've begun to face it. The present, no longer a battlefield of the past but a training camp for the future. The past ends because it wants nothing to do with the present or the future.

"This one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the future goal."

So I choose to start afresh..